What is it like to live a life of fear? To feel you have to try to control everything and everyone in your life.
The emotional psychological physical and sexual abuse I suffered as a child led me try to (in a child’s way you try) to control my world. Trying not to step on cracks in the ground or holding my breath in between them was the first thing I recognised as the start of the control. My world was completely out of control my father's rage would flare up at any moment give whatever he believed at the time to be a just reason and as a child I thought I was the reason.
As an adult I lived my life still holding my breath and it wasn't until this week I have realised to what extent that was happening.
I have only been able to realise this because it is finally breaking down.
To be able to live my life free of this is something I don’t feel words could ever do justice to.
And when I say free I mean in every sense of the word. A freedom from fear a freedom from self-disgust a freedom from feeling as survivors of sexual abuse do that I had to pay a price a penance because after all it was all my fault right.
In this harsh and violent world I found a way to heal, someone to guide me someone brave enough to take that ride with me. There is nothing that I felt through that process that Matthew (Meinck) didn’t feel along with me he laid his health on the line simply because he could see the need I had and that he could heal that need. The things I have read in the media contrary to this disgust me and the only thing that really concerns me in life now is that the utterly unique way that Matthew (Meinck) has of encouraging healing in a person will continue to be miss represented and will be lost to the people who need it most.
He has nurtured my health and now I am in position to nurture his and that is what I intend to do.
post submitted by Anonymous
post submitted by Anonymous
