Matthew’s non-judgemental presence, broad outlook and integrity, is helping me to see that the vitally essential thing to do, is to be with the physical sensations in the body and allow an ongoing integration

2013 Retreat

Physiological Changes

For the first week or so on retreat it really felt as if I was living the impact of the effects of my entire life over again, and then dropping those associated memories.

Memories are from past events. The event does not exist now, but the physical impact and effect of an event when occurring, forms a memory or a familiarity pattern, that is, if it was not resolved and healed. So the memories are now physical impressions that are embedded into the cellular structure of the body. The impact of these memories affects different parts of the body according to each event (now a memory) on each corresponding part of the body. For example, the function of our eyes is for looking at life, (what is going on) and if there is an impact on our eyes from what we have seen or what we see, then the memory has had an effect on us, and in this case our eyes, and on the way we look at life. That is our perception, and not our sensory awareness, and the latter is our primary function.

Perceptions are deceptions when we see life in which we have remembered life, rather than the immediate factuality of what is going on before our eyes in living, as it unfolds. This is not viewed as an experience or opinion, but rather, it is an ongoing constant discovery of what I am in direct contact with. If we use, and are aware of the senses in their primary function, then the facts are less likely to be distorted through our perception.

Our whole awareness with the primary functions of the senses can be in our direct experience, when there has been a period of quiet in our life. And of course, ongoing quiet times are required to maintain that ongoing physical awareness of those primary functions of the senses. Physical activity is also required.

To be physically involved in life with everyday necessary tasks is as equally valuable as sitting quietly. Both are required to function correctly as a whole and healthy human being.

The second week on retreat, the body very naturally, was healing those affects of my entire life, and bringing together an intelligent understanding of separated behaviours I had in the form of habitual, and or, accumulative ideas about myself. 

This very much physical experience was, and can be best described, as if I had shed an old skin, and a new one immediately came forward. This encompassed my real time experience of living now, with so much interest in a deeper sense of what is really going on.

Matthew’s openness offered the catalyst in me to settle into the physical experience (as there is no other real experience) of the meditation retreat.

Integrating Old Behavioural Patterns of Conditioning

I am rising above old behaviours (habitual activity of unnecessary thinking) by simply allowing those behaviours to be there, and not indulging in them nor not acting on them.

In that non dual natural state (of not feebly attempting to control), that I uniquely have, those old behaviours or conditions are lessened in the reaction I have to them, and the power they seemed to have over me. They are not just a part of me, but are now a whole of me.

This is an array of ongoing discovered physical agitation and sensations of integrating.

The body understands, in its natural intelligent state, that a real natural approach to life does not know any familiarities of memories. An uncontrolled, non-imposing, physical sense of my physical presence, involved with the movement of life’s existence.

I am navigating my way through life safely with understanding this, of where I am coming from, and what I am doing. Not feeling that I have anything now to hide from myself, takes away the worry of useless and nonsensical thinking. Task related thinking is not useless and does not cause divisions. 

Thinking that is in line with my activity, is very natural and very much a normality. This mechanical thinking and nature’s intended use of it, is not to be underestimated.

The nature of thought in this mechanical way is merely a correct and natural mechanism of action and thought working together as the one living organism. When there is no division in the two, then there are no new repetitive behavioural patterns that arise from such correct actions.

There is simply a response to whatever is going on before me in life as it is unfolding. This natural actioned response to life leaves no residual of repeating. In this natural response there is no accumulative reactionary behaviour. So therefore there is no habitual activity of unnecessary thinking. Its momentum simply ceases to exist.

Since an early age, even when not in situations of natural instinctive fear (but thinking I was affected by my view of life, my memory, my familiarity, my experience of life) of getting screwed over, a behavioural (first) pattern had well developed of living out of that fear of getting screwed over and over again. What was then born, or what then emerged from that was another secondary behavioural pattern, and that was to screw others over. In other words, a behavioural pattern to get what I wanted without consideration.

As any behaviour (repetitive action that I am not in contact with) removes me from any sensory awareness of my true physical presence - the above mentioned first behaviour had pushed the second behaviour into the background even deeper and thus further dividing parts of the whole of me. This left me at odds with myself and with a gut wrenching feeling of ripping away from myself.

Without intentionally sounding dramatic, that can best be described and was experienced (at the time, and now just a memory) as tearing burning skin and flesh off muscle, tissue and bone. It makes further sense to me now why I am so interested in my own healing!

Up until then, there was no real depth of understanding that this pain was in reaction to how I was, from my upbringing and under development.  Also, other past distractive behaviours emerged, further deepening more divisions or splits.  

I realize that such actions, and indulging or entertaining in thinking about such actions, has a devastating effect on myself and those around me.
Inconsiderate and irresponsible behaviours are a huge conflict to the body and to the natural order of things. They are dangerous to the individual and those in close proximity. This is exemplified and also amplified on a local and global scale of war. Hence, here in the seemingly unsurmountable problem, accessible to all, lies the very simple and natural solution.

Everyone is responsible for their actions and until so, it is very likely that nothing will change.

Now, through understanding correct and natural living, all this is coming forward and integrating within me. This is a paradox because coming forward and integrating within me is bringing understanding of correct and natural living.

It can be seen for what it is, and that is, patterns integrating, and not accepting the first behaviour, nor not wanting to act out of the second behaviour. That is not to harm myself, not allow others to harm me, nor do I harm others through repetitive and abusive behaviour.

Even though I describe the behaviours as two behaviours, really, they are just one dysfunction, as both are in reaction to one another, and it is not possible to have one, without the other.

All is OK if I do not go into personalizing, and identifying with this condition, as what will follow are reactionary confused states.

A rise of genius and passionate interest arose about understanding these reactionary behaviours, and any projection out of the annoyed viciousness, coming from within me, that cause harm, only if indulged in.
On the retreat, with long periods of quiet and the simply luxury of an environment of no distractions, these old behavioural patterns of conditioning became glaringly obvious yet very subtle at the same time. The realization of the now, non occurring divisions in me, encourage me immensely to be involved in what I am doing, and thus allowing further integration to take place on its own accord.

Sitting with this, there was a strong physical sense that the body was integrating all of these divisions, in a very reassuring, and powerfully elemental experience of shimmering fluidity.

This was undeniable real for me, and there was understanding, and then appreciation of what Matthew continues to express. That is, to be with whatever condition and state that I am in, and not react to that. To honour my disturbances and my pain, will bring about great healing. And that is being merely as honest as one can be with oneself. 

Improvement in Self Understanding and Meditation.

In everyday daily tasks, including meditation, it feels that I am maturing, sensing less resistance or struggle, of who I am, as an ongoing integrating human being.

This ongoing integration within me is very much a physical experience going on within the body.

Matthew’s words, expressed with extraordinary sensitivity and understanding along the way, stir, assist, encourage and inspire the expression of life within me to persevere and go the distance.

Post Retreat

Since retreat I find that I am somewhat excited out of this passionate interest, involved and attentive.

I sense that it is the excitement that only an integrated man can feel.  An integrated man at the start of a journey whose conclusion is uncertain.

Most Recent

Other personas (patterns of behaviour) that I am so far aware of and sense are becoming clearer in the integration of the totality of all that I am. In the past, I had tried EVERY possible way to avoid that which I needed to face up to. And that was to face up to those divisions in me.

All of these avoidances brought the same, deeply unsatisfying and harmful results, and further removing me from any sense of me. The difficulty has been removed when I face up to what I am doing, by understanding where in my physical presence (my body) am I coming from. 

Knowing where I am coming from, enables me to know what I am doing. Living life with a sense of the entire whole of which I am, and from that impetus seeing what may fall into place and what drops away.

What I have within me is more than enough, and the energy of being in contact with that, will bring me to what is really needed.

To navigate myself correctly through life, I need to be coming from this safety of understanding. Rising up to face my responsibilities and getting involved, automatically ‘puts back’ into life what I have received. It is so much more enjoyable to do this, than to not do this.

All of this has now exposed a recent insight of understanding, and sensations of tension that comes from a tendency to control my experiences.  

It is an arrogant attitude to control and removes me from the natural state of aliveness. That control, or trying too hard, simply interferes with living, and has no value, nor is it necessary to continue with anymore.

It feels it is big part of the whole of me that has got in the way. I can keep getting on with living and resolving this in me by being aware of it. My shoulders have dropped with less pressure on them. It is not now, an all consuming behaviour as what it was with such similar behaviours fifteen months ago. I am now not giving myself a hard time and am enriched for all of this. Past adversity has brought with it the seed of a now equivalent advantage. This is where I am at today, and now equipped to keep on staying on.

I am appreciative of Matthew’s patient professional work as a true Heath Care Professional, and as a good friend. Matthew’s non-judgemental presence, broad outlook and integrity, is helping me to see that the vitally essential thing to do, is to be with the physical sensations in the body and allow an ongoing integration of a myriad of such behavioural tendencies. And neither condemns nor condones that condition.

post submitted by Simon

Matthew (Meinck) is the only person who has ever looked closely enough to see that this incredible pain and hurt was (is) hiding inside of me, and who has taken the time to help me start to heal.

I don’t know how many people go through life feeling like they belong, that they’re acceptable, lovable, worthy, ‘ok’. I’m 38 years old, ‘successful’ by society’s standards, you could say. But I have only experienced these feelings for short periods of time, and then only in the past 18 months or so, after almost 9 years of constant and dedicated healing. 

The majority of the time, deep inside, in the place I hide from the world, I don’t feel worthy of much at all. In fact I feel like I have to make up for myself somehow, that I am so bad, I need to compensate just for being alive. That’s just one of the things I’m left with after a lifetime of being raped. 

It started with my dad when I was 9 months old. It’s impossible to communicate the anguished, twisted, confused thinking that results from something so horrific being done to you when you can’t comprehend it, let alone stop it. The only thing you have to fall back on is that there must be something terribly wrong with you, for someone who ‘loves’ you to treat you that way. 

As the years went on, I somehow knew in my heart that the other girls at school weren’t being hurt the way I was. Not only did my pain show – I was lonely, miserable, lost, angry and mean, even though I tried desperately not to be – but the knowledge that I was being singled out for the abuse only confirmed the truth of what I was being told (that it was my fault) and strengthened my belief within myself that it must be true. I can’t express the extent of my self hate, even at that age – 5 or 6 – I remember it being overwhelming. No one took an interest – no one. No one looked beyond the expression of my hurt and confusion to see what was inside. Instead, I was told that I was a mean, awful girl, and that if I didn’t learn to think before I spoke, I would never have any friends. Again – I was the one at fault. Not only for getting raped in the first place (I was a child!), but for the terrible effects that being raped was having on my ability to be a normal child. In the end, all this taught me was that I had to learn to hide my pain better, to become more controlled and more of a pretence. Which in turn only pushed the pain and self hate deeper. 

And so my miserable life went on. Until not long after my 30^th birthday, someone introduced me to Matthew Meinck.  Matthew is the only person who has ever looked closely enough to see that this incredible pain and hurt was (is) hiding inside of me, and who has taken the time to help me start to heal. It was with his help that I first experienced the intensely sweet relief of realising that I wasn’t just a mean awful girl, something I believed to my core to be true, but that I had been grossly, devastatingly and crushingly hurt, over and over and over again, and that the damage from that treatment had warped me, twisted me up and filled me completely until the only thing that could ever come out of my mouth or actions was an expression of pain. How else could I have possibly turned out? 

That realisation was the start of my healing. It seems almost easy now to say that I would be dead if it wasn’t for Matthew’s help – I would have killed myself many years ago. But staying alive is the easy part. The hard part is healing the pain. It goes so deep and it’s through every single cell in your body. There is no part of me that hasn’t been affected by what has been done to me, or by what I have believed about myself in reaction to what was done to me. And it’s a mire. There’s no way I could get through the confusion of my twisted thought patterns, attitudes, beliefs and self criticisms on my own, no way, they’re just too good. Look at the horror they had to justify – that’s what brought them into being after all – what hope do I have trying to apply some nice thoughts to myself or trying to counter the destructive thoughts when there’s a lifetime of hurt and self hate propping them up and driving them on? But with Matthew’s help, the past 9 years has been a constant breaking down of those thought patterns, one by one, as they expose themselves. 

I’ve lost count of the number of counsellors and psychologists I saw before Matthew, trying to work out what on earth was wrong with me, not one of them came even remotely close to the truth. Not one of them was interested enough to. Not one of them was even capable of trying it. The evidence is there – I saw those guys, but nothing changed, my life carried on no differently. Then I started seeing Matthew, and my life started changing. Big time. It couldn’t be more different now to 9 years ago. 

I know it’s cost Matthew a lot to help me and others in the way he does. And I am overwhelmingly, eternally grateful to him for it. To be able to live times in my life when I truly like who I am, and don’t judge myself for the hurt that’s still inside me and that still causes trouble. I’ve lived most of my life believing I would never experience that. Never experience the simple acceptance of myself. In one way, it’s devastating to be 38 and feeling like I am only just now starting to live, starting to come out of the dreadful darkness that’s been all I’ve known, starting to see life more clearly, as it really is, but on the other hand it’s the sweetest, most precious and priceless thing – had it not been for that chance introduction to Matthew, with his unique understanding of how complicated and messy pain is and his incredible ability to get through that pain, to help to loosen its hold so it can start to unwind and release, his deep compassion for the hurt and confusion that I was (am) in, and his generosity to be there to help me from day one, I know I would never have experienced it at all. 

post submitted by M.

Matthews integrity and unwavering support for people who wanted to find the truth within themselves.

20th Sept 2013

Just wanted to share a glimpse of what I have experienced and understood on retreats run by Matthew Meinck.

The apparent simplicity of the process which Matthew has developed and evolved through over 30 years of running meditation retreats, has revealed to me an understanding of myself I was grossly unaware of.

I have sat on many retreats over the past 12 years and each one is so unique, giving me a fundamental understanding of how to deal with what is happening within me and in my life.

Matthew's knowing of how necessary it is for us as human beings to just sit still and allow ourselves to feel the immediate sense of our being, as we are in the moment without trying to create a better, calmer, happier or whatever modification we might think is a more desirable state to be in, is from wholeness because the understanding comes directly from the natural intelligence of the body.

You might think, that's easy I can do that myself! Well, that may be true as a physical act of just sitting, but it's the profound and subtle way in which Matthew explains what is actually happening within the body and the nature of thought (our habitual thinking) that is vital to being able to stay still and allow the state, whether it be distress, pain, numbness, calmness etc to just be as it is, long enough to see what is really trying to show itself.

So without understanding how our thinking operates and what is required to be able to stay with what is going on for me, I can so easily convince myself it's too hard, painful or force myself to keep still.
What's happening in that moment is I may be caught up in my thoughts, being reactive to the state I'm in, but at the same time still being able to keep sitting still. There is no right or wrong here, it's just the process of discovering what is happening in the nature of thought.

Believe me it is by no means easy to keep still when the urge is so strong to move away from what it feels to be in that state.

But as Matthew keeps explaining,  the body will not and cannot harm itself just being in this stillness. Although the thoughts arising will seem extremely convincing that it will, in an attempt to avoid what is being felt. I have not seen anyone harmed, in fact the opposite is true.

It is a monumental flaw in the human being that we give THOUGHT and all its structures and institutions we have built from it ie. religion, science, technology and any belief system so much of importance, only to avoid the only real sense of ourselves in being the living organism directly experiencing the moment and responding, is all that is required to function naturally.

We have such a habitual tendency to describe everything we see, hear, touch etc that we lose the direct contact with it, just as it is.

It is so vast, to relate what is experienced while sitting still in this way and being guided and challenged by Matthew to get the thinking out of the foreground, which usually consumes our attention, but keep bringing it back to the sensations in the body as it is.

There is so much more to be said for what this process has brought to light in my life and the many lives I have seen transformed, by Matthews integrity and unwavering support for people who wanted to find the truth within themselves.


post submitted by M.S

No euphoria just relief and a respect for what it took from both Matthew and myself to get to this point and keep going.

21st Jan 2013

Having regular deep tissue massages with Matthew and attending his meditation retreats have changed my life.

It is difficult to express the subtle but profound changes that take place working with him but I wanted to put pen to paper to give it a go because I realized today that the peace that I am able to feel  now is not only in stark contrast to the way I have lived my life for the last 40 years but a thing I often thought wasn’t possible .

One of the benefits of the retreat environment is that it gives you time to really slow down and when you feel a high level of anxiety in your body on a daily basis at first this seems a stupid if not terrifying thing to do because obviously you feel it more. It has taken some doing but because of the slowing down I can live my life now with the freedom to have anxiety there or bliss and everything in between. The problem was never that I had the anxiety or other difficult feelings, it was that I didn’t want to feel them.

I only realized it when a comment Matthew made on a recent retreat that struck a cord with me as they often do and it was something to the effect of “that it is not that parts of what we feel that are bad it is weather or not it is all of you” Which I noticed is how I am able to live now. To live with all that I am and feel even if I don’t always like it I can accept it.

My only goal along the way was to be able to live with myself. It just took hard work and patience from both of us for me to stay with myself long enough to accept how I was/am. Today I realized I can.

This may sound a trivial thing to some but to people who have lived with the anxiety, confusion, depression and often terror on a daily basis even after all the medications and therapies I could find to try to help, it is like being let out of a straight jacket.
There is no euphoria just relief and a respect for what it took from both Matthew and myself to get to this point and keep going.

I knew when I first met Matthew that I was meeting someone unlike anyone I’d met before, someone that was real and whole. This powerful mix frightened me because I had a sense straight away that the truth in him had already connected with the damage in me and would be able to heal it but also what it was going to take on my part to get past my terror. I had no idea that it would take his personal sacrifice as well, I can only be grateful that he continued the journey with me.

Matthew’s approach to healing is constantly evolving and as I watch others like myself start the process with him I am excited to watch them start new lives just like I did.

What I have described is just one positive effect that Matthew has had on my life this man is truly a profound healer and I hope that for as long as he wants to continue that there are other people who are eager to receive what he has to offer.

He helped me to discover the truth about myself and the world around me.

post submitted by Alison