Ending the cycle of abuse has been the single most difficult thing I have done in my life. This could not have been possible without the tireless and unending support of Matthew Meinck. This period of transformation occurred for me during a time when Matthew was subjected to gross media vilification and malicious personal attacks on him. Without his brave resilience to these attacks, I would not have had the ability or the inspiration to make the dramatic changes in my life that I have.
Being subjected to extreme physical, psychological and sexual abuse is something a child should never experience. My experience of being abused as a child caused a disassociation within me from the pain and trauma that the abuse causes. The disassociation is necessary for survival, living in an environment where those that are meant to be the caregivers are actually the abusers. I became numb to this part of my life and it was as if it didn’t even exist. I didn’t have the ability or the capacity to take on the abuse – no child does!
Growing into physical adulthood the abuse continued. Being numb to this aspect of my life, I had little awareness of how vulnerable I was to continually being abused and also to abusing others. Being disassociated from and numb to the pain and trauma of abuse is what allowed me to abuse others – you have to be divided within yourself to be able to do this.
The only way this cycle of abuse was able to come to an end was for the division within me to become integrated so that I could live as a whole person – for the first time in my life as an adult. I had to relive and experience the extreme disturbance and the pain and trauma of abuse, something I had disassociated with, to become whole again. I believe that this would not have been possible without the unending support given to me by Matthew. His support was determined and consistent even when faced with his own personal challenges of being attacked by a misinformed media and public.
It is thanks to Matthew that I can now live a life free of this world of abuse. Something I am eternally grateful for. My only wish is that people would wake up to how important people like Matthew are in the world and support them rather than allow them to be attacked.
post submitted by Monte
