I did want to try to express the recent feeling deep in me of knowing I no longer make myself available to be used day and night.
'Being switched off and numb since my first abuse at 6 months, it took Matthew (Meinck) 10 years of constant hard work and support to allow me to finally start to thaw.
And I still need his continuing interaction to help me see when I'm trapped in my victims thinking.
I can't begin to describe to you the feeling of not being an unpaid whore in my own home anymore, where whenever I was at home and I never knew when and whom was going to turn up and demand what. The constant anxiety and pressure I lived under in my own home as well as the panic if I wanted to do something for myself or away from the house. The persistent feeling of always having to be prepared and ready was terrifying.
Thanks to Matthew (Meinck) my time and my home is now my own.
The feelings of anxiety and panic are still there as habit but with far less intensity and frequency.
The knowing and the relief deep within me that the action doesn't happen anymore is worth more than I can express.....'
post submitted by Tina
